Starlight
by Philote
Summary: A late night conversation between two crew members about love and loss. (tag to "Immaculate Perception")


Title: Starlight

Author: Piper (hyperpiper_019@hotmail.com)

Rating: G

Summary: A late night conversation between two crew members about life and loss.

Spoilers: "Immaculate Perception"

Disclaimer: _Andromeda_ belongs to Tribune Entertainment, not me. No money is being made. 

Author's note: Leave me a review and let me know what you think. This is my first story in this fandom, so please be gentle!

The ship was silent. No one else was up at the early morning hour. On the dark obs deck a single figure stood staring out into the vastness of space.

Tyr felt drawn to the stars now. He found himself often glancing out, eyes automatically searching for one that might be near his son. 

He had given up on sleep after a few hours of tossing and turning. He had opted to take a run instead, trying to give the tension in his body an outlet. But the intense workout hadn't helped much. He felt drained, but still far from relaxed. His mind was working overtime. He couldn't get the sound of the gun out of his head, and it was always accompanied by an image of Freya's face as she fell, the light leaving her eyes…

"You're up late. Stargazing?"

Tyr felt his heart rate jump and stopped just short of spinning around into a defensive stance. Instead, he tightened his grip on the railing and shook his head, disgusted with himself. He hadn't sensed Harper's approach, even on the silent deck. He was allowing his emotions to cloud his awareness, and that couldn't happen. "What do you want, boy?" he growled, ignoring Harper's question. He hoped the young engineer would take the hint and simply go away.

Yeah, right. When had Harper ever taken a hint?

"I was just taking a midnight stroll," Harper announced as he ambled up to stand beside the Nietzschean. Tyr turned to glare at him, intending to let him know that his company was _not_ appreciated. Harper simply smirked at him. Tyr sighed, turning back to stare at the stars. Two years ago Harper would have run for cover when Tyr glared at him like that. He wasn't afraid of him anymore. Tyr knew it was his own fault; he had let the boy get too close. 

"Since when do you take midnight strolls?" Tyr asked, his voice low and slightly menacing.

"Well, it's a common practice of mine after I've had two cartons of Sparky cola before bedtime." Tyr cast him a measuring look. He wasn't quite hyper enough to have consumed that much caffeine and sugar. Harper caught his look and seemed to know that Tyr wasn't buying his excuse. "Alright, alright. I couldn't sleep, that's all. It's kind of calming up here with all the stars. I thought it might help. I wasn't stalking you or anything," he threw in.

Tyr said nothing. He set his jaw and fixed his eyes forward on the stars. But somehow he couldn't tune Harper out. Even though the young man wasn't talking, he was still fidgeting beside Tyr. It was a bit hard to ignore. After a few minutes Tyr resigned himself to the fact that Harper wasn't going to go away and he broke the silence between them. "Little man, if you find the stars so calming, why is it that you're acting as nervously as if they were Magog swarm ships?" he asked, projecting his annoyance into his tone.

"Well, there's a lovely image to take into my dreams tonight. Thank you so much, Tyr," Harper responded sarcastically. 

"If you came up here for fairy tales, you're looking in the wrong place. I can't provide you with sweet dreams and a happy ending."

"I don't expect you to; I didn't come up here for me! I wanted to talk to you!"

"No, you came for the stars, remember?" Tyr commented. 

Harper groaned. "This is not going the way I meant it to," he muttered.

"So what exactly can I do to help you fulfill your mission here so you can go away?"

Harper stared at him for a beat before speaking. "You know, Beka and I were totally shocked when Dylan told us you'd gone after your _wife_. You never told us you were married. You never even hinted at it. I personally couldn't even imagine it…"

"Harper," Tyr broke in sharply, "if you're trying to cheer me up, you aren't very good at it."

"Hey, I'm just trying to be a nice guy here, okay? I'm just trying to provide a little comfort. You have no reason to be mad at me. I mean, it's not like I was the one who was convinced you were dead and said that we just give up on you." Tyr cast a sideways glance at him, surprised. Harper caught his eyes and then glanced down guiltily. "Okay, maybe I was. But it was nothing personal; it was just…" Harper trailed off. He didn't seem to know what to say. That was a red flag for Tyr, because one thing Harper never had a problem with was talking. 

This confrontation had taken an unexpected turn. Tyr suddenly got the impression that Harper wasn't in here just to try to cheer him up. This wasn't something that any of the rest of the crew had mentioned to him, but apparently Harper had had a definite reaction to his "death." The engineer apparently needed to talk. For the first time since he had walked onto the deck, Harper had the Nietzschean's full attention as Tyr felt his anger and annoyance begin to drain away. "So, you didn't want to search for me?" he began casually.

"No! It wasn't like that. You should have seen that explosion from here …it didn't look like anyone could have survived. And after we had spent three days looking…" with a sigh Harper trailed off once again.

Tyr said nothing, waiting for Harper to work out whatever it was that was tumbling around in that mind of his.

It took a few minutes. Eventually, Harper said quietly, "Watching Dylan deny that you were dead and everyone else going along with him…I just couldn't deal with it. You may be shocked to hear this, but I have somehow gotten attached to you." He laughed softly and shook his head. "Who would have thought, huh?" Then he paused for a long moment and sighed before going on, "I've had a lot of experience with loss. And when a little piece of you dies with each person that you lose…I think it's easier if you just let go. The faster you detach the less you have to hurt, you know?"

Tyr gave him a slight nod, encouraging him to go on, and reached to put a gentle hand on the boy's neck in support. He was surprised by the honesty and the emotion in the confession. He was beginning to see the significance in Harper's enthusiastic response to his return. After experiencing so much pain in his young life, the boy obviously had put some psychological safeguards in place to protect himself in case he lost anyone else. 

Harper continued, "So that's why I wanted to just let you go. I mean…you guys are my family, you know? And things have already changed so much, what with Rev leaving and Trance, and I just didn't want to lose…" he broke off, looking down and clearing his throat. It was a few moments before he went on. "Anyhow, I just wanted to explain. You know, in case you heard from someone else that I wanted to abandon you and leave you for dead, I figured I should let you know up front so you wouldn't feel the need to kill me or anything…"

"Harper." Tyr squeezed his neck soothingly, cutting off the litany of words. "It's all right," he said simply.

Harper studied him for a minute, then gave him a small smile of understanding before looking back to the stars. Again they stood in silence. But this time, it was a comfortable silence. Hard as it was for Tyr to admit, he was actually grateful for Harper's presence. And making Harper feel better somehow seemed to have helped him feel better as well.

"Tyr?"

"Yes little man?"

"I'm sorry about your wife and son."

"Harper…" Tyr started to correct him, to tell him that it was just his wife he had to grieve for. He couldn't stand there and let his young friend console him over a loss that hadn't technically occurred. Dead was different than separated. After the honesty that Harper had just shown him, he didn't know how he could go through with this colossal lie.

But then he reminded himself why he couldn't tell any of them the truth. If the Genites knew that his son was alive they would do anything to get to him. Therefore, if anyone close to Tyr knew the truth, they would automatically be in the line of fire. He refused to take that risk.

Luckily, his lengthy silence was enough of a response for Harper. "You don't want to talk about it. That's cool. I just wanted you to know that I care. We all do, you know."

Tyr stared at him, speechless. Harper held his gaze, letting the Nietzschean see the sincerity in his eyes. After a long solemn moment Tyr shook himself and squeezed Harper's neck before letting go. He cleared his throat and lightened the moment with, "You aren't going to hug me again are you?"

Harper immediately became animated again, taking the defensive. "No! Of course not! And that before, that wasn't a hug. That was…um…I was just making sure you weren't a hologram or a ghost or something. Yeah, that's it. I mean, when a guy comes back from the dead after five days, you gotta worry about these things. But it's okay. You're real." He punctuated that last statement with a slap to Tyr's arm. Tyr glared at him and he backed off, hands up in a defensive gesture. But he was smiling.

Tyr shook his head and looked away, trying and failing to keep the smile off his own face. "Little man, we have to cut down on the caffeine in your diet."

"Hey, I'll have you know that Sparky cola is one of my main food groups. I couldn't live without it."

Tyr chose not to comment on that, instead taking a serious tone again and saying simply, "Thank you."

"Sure. Um…for the record, I'm glad Dylan didn't listen to me and stop looking after three days. I'm glad you're okay."

"As am I," Tyr responded truthfully, letting his gaze drift back to the stars. He was glad to be alive. It was something he hadn't allowed himself to appreciate in the last few days. His focus had been on his shortcomings. He should have been able to save Freya; he wasn't much of a husband if he couldn't do that. The only redemption was that he had been able to save—and hopefully protect—their son.

"Tyr?" Harper broke into his thoughts and Tyr shifted his glance to the engineer. "You can talk to me. You know, if you want. I may not understand exactly what you've been through, but I do know what it feels like to lose someone you love." 

Tyr stared at the boy for a minute, gauging the sincerity in his eyes. Then he slowly nodded. Maybe this was what he needed to get through this. Maybe he just needed someone to talk to. Maybe he could even get some much-needed sleep later after his demons were put to rest. "Would you like me to tell you about them?"

Harper's face broke into a wide grin. "Definitely. Why don't we talk while we walk? Back to the crew quarters, I mean. You look like you could use some sleep, big guy." 

Tyr gave him a sharp glance, sincerely hoping that Harper wasn't learning to read minds. But apparently, he just looked tired. Come to think of it, Harper looked a little sleep-deprived himself. So he nodded again. "Alright. Give me a moment?" Harper nodded, then turned and headed off the deck, leaving Tyr alone with the stars.

He looked out into space once more and whispered softly, "Good night, my son. Sleep well."

He stared a moment longer, then turned to go. Harper was waiting for him in the doorway. When he reached the younger man he slung an arm around his shoulders. Harper responded with an arm around his waist, and the two walked off. As they went, Tyr began his story. "Freya was beautiful. But our son…I've never seen anything more beautiful in my life…"

Aboard the Andromeda, two souls began a path toward healing. And light-years away a baby boy drifted off to sleep, a peaceful little smile on his face.


End file.
